Anal Sex In The House Of Dr. Seuss

2006-08-04T16:53:00.000-07:00

This just in...we are receiving reports that I'm a year older.

Yes it's true, good ol' 26 rotations around that twinking ball of UV fire we lovingly call the sun. I now know what it feels like to be over the hill...or maybe I'm just hungover as all hell. I'm still feeling the hellish aftershocks now and again, and can honestly express my relief that the workweek is over. The weekend in question is still somewhat of a blur, though filled to the brim with a bleeding plethora of joy and good tidings. I am in a humble state of adoration in the face of the love endowed to me by my freinds who are my family, and my family who are my freinds. But that's just sloppy, I know you want the real dirt on what exactly went down, don't you?

For starters, I'm pround and somewhat dismayed to report that we held the Second Annual Fireball Whiskey on Jeff's Birthdayathon, since last year turned out so well. See, the thing about this uppercut to the liver is that it tastes just like candy, but tears your ass apart like whiskey. What could possibly go wrong? But don't take my word for it, I submit for your review this quote from an attendee who wishes to remain androgynous:

"You seriously got that shit again? Don't you remember what happened last year, man? I was wallowing on the ground, rubbing broken glass into my skin because it felt good."

And there you have it. The rest of the weekend was full of drunken mayhem, of course, but you really have to commit to destroying yourself on your actual birthday. Just to see if you can make it another year. Trial by fireball whiskey.

Ever notice that bitches be trifling? It had me down last Wednesday, but I'm feeling better. Thanks for your concerned face though. Best to be concerned, as I'm quick to cut a bitch. And why the sudden sway in opinion over Spongebob Squarepants? I love that little dude, but people gotta be hatin'.

I never click your links, so don't bother clicking mine. Stupid, time-consuming nonsense.
Farewell.

A distant ship, smoke on the horizon.

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2006-07-28T14:50:00.000-07:00

I would like to have some noodles for breakfast sometime, deep within the gurgling confines of the belly of the beast. Danzig would be there, of course, and I would cherish him. That man never wears a shirt. There are times when a dog licks some food-salts from my hand and I get an erection, just like my imaginary heaven. You know you're a Leo when you dream of having sex with yourself. I just want your father to respect me.

There's only so much to be said. No sympathy for the devil. Been in this godforsaken computer lab for three hours now. Ever take your pants down and run backwards through a corn field? No...I didn't think so. Yes I am alone, then again I always was. Far back as I can tell, I think maybe it's because you were never really real to begin with. I just made you up to hurt myself.

Impending birthday alert! Drunken shenanigans approaching! What's their vector, Victor?

Five to One baby, One in Five
No one here gets out alive...

Remember that shit next time you think about taking up jogging, or eating a granola bar. So I guess this is what you get, faithful follower, now that my internet is out. Myspace can suck a fat baby's dick. When ultimately, all this is about as much fun as a urinary tract infection.

Metal Forever. Jager Mantooth, out.

Don't you take your hat off for anything?

dividebyzero

Anal Sex In The House Of Dr. Seuss

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